Sunday, 27 May 2012

Formalities, etiquette and feminism



After eight long years together hubby-to-be and I are planning our wedding. That means writing invitations, place cards and seating plans for the night. When you work from the comfort of your home, wearing torn T-shirts and jeans, it’s safe to say you’re not that familiar with formal ways of addressing people. So this weekend, while writing the envelopes, I went into panic mode. Is it Mr and Mrs <husband’s first name> <husband’s surname>? Or Mr and Mrs <husband’s initial, full stop> <husband’s surname>? What about doctors and engineers? The multitude of information online made it even more confusing. In the end I settled for Mr and Mrs <husband’s first name> <husband’s surname>, as found in a Maltese etiquette guide, but I must admit I find it extremely odd and old-fashioned. Hopefully I won’t offend anyone.

I’m not a feminist. I’m more than happy to make my hubby a cup of coffee when he comes home from work, iron (once in a blue moon) and prepare dinner (although admittedly I’ve given up since he’s not a fan of my bland creations). But why leave out the woman’s name altogether? Unsettling, isn’t it? Is the wife only worthy of being identified as Mrs Husband? Is she not a person in her own right? I know the rules differ in every country, but here on the rock they seem to believe marriage makes you one single entity, with the wife’s existence being reduced to a mere three-letter title. Most women even opt to change their surname. To each his own…

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